Let me spoil you on this one: none of this happened, except me attending a university, “studying physics”. Why have I set that in quotation marks? Looking back, I’d not even say I really studied physics. Some people travel around the world, take gap years to chill at home or do several internships to find their way to go after school. Well, I went to university to find it. But I didn’t find my passion there, I found the realization that eating desert dry facts about the, still really cool, laws of physics just isn’t what makes me happy. Let me give you a short summary how I got to realize this.
In 2017, I didn’t question my decision to go to the university after school. Not even for a slightly second. Because it was all set for years already. Everyone around me talked about that slightly crazy redhead girl that for sure would make a big career in astrophysics. I never had a “plan B”, I never took a second to think about if I still want what grew in everyone’s head, above all my own one, for several years already. And so, I started my first semester studying physics, moved to the city of my university and ignored my first concerns that hit me even before it all really got rolling. The university offers a course that starts a few weeks in advance of the actual semester and is meant to help the “Erstis”, as the first semester students in Germany are called, getting an easier start at the university. From day one, I felt “wrong”, had problems to get together with the other students and to follow the format of a professor spending 90-120 minutes constantly writing on a blackboard – what really was a surprise for me, because in school I loved the teachers that didn’t came up with crap like groupwork and “discover yourself” but drew a clear and easy to follow line trough the topics by explaining it in front of the class. It would become better by time; I promised myself while my deficit got bigger and bigger from lecture to lecture. In Germany, finishing physics at a university without extra semesters isn’t quiet the normal case. It’s more like the upper few percent, also depends a little on the university. And my dump s**t a** managed to, without knowing, find the group of that upper percent and sticked to them. In a consequence I observed them showing of the best of performance while I realized that nearly every topic of all the lectures was hard for me to be exited about. Studying physics at my university can take up to 40 or even 50 hours a week, at least if you want to do it in the “regular” three years and are not gifted with a special talent. It sure is something that can fill out your live in a good way, but with my growing concerns if I really did choose what interests me enough to work a lifetime on it, my problems keeping on pace with the group and a few health issues that came up, the whole thing started to unravel faster and faster. After a year it was clear that I won’t finish these studies and I took a semester as a guest with the computer science people. This was my entry to coding. I started learning the C-language and realized that my real interest never was in physics but in the technology that comes with it these days. And I realized a second important thing: creating something real, not only as the result of a theoretical exercise, but a working real program, that got me motivated as hell.
With the ending of this semester, I had to ask myself: how do I want to move on? What is my new plan? Accepting that the journey I was absolutely sure of would be mine was the wrong one and also thinking of not studying at all was a hard pill to swallow. I couldn’t imagine it for a long time. In this messed up situation, I visited my hometown, sat down by the river with a wonderful view on the cities skyline and suddenly I felt like “It didn’t work out, so I am free to chose something entirely different, because now nobody expects anything concrete from me! I just need to keep going!”. On the way to my parents, I stopped at a bookstore and came across this big book that was meant to guide people in an apprenticeship to become IT specialists for system integration. I flipped through the pages and scanned the topics and immediately wanted to know how all of this works and what for awesome things, systems and possibilities are given for a person that knows all this.
Two weeks later I had sent a hand full of job applications. By this time, I already was a little late for the upcoming year of training, but I got lucky. Some companies didn’t fill all their capacities so far. Another two weeks later I signed the contract. It was official. By September I would start a whole different journey. One I didn’t plan as everything else in my life for month or years. One I choose from a “good feeling”. I was nervous, scared, and insecure. But I also looked forward to what I missed so badly at university: practical experience, structures and colleagues.
Initial I signed my contract for a normal three-year training. I sure had some experience but when I started my first week, I would not have been able to explain how the structure of an IP-address works. Luckily, the company I started at, begins the first year of training with courses to teach the basic topics. Every week, a different topic is taught by a different expert of the company in theoretical and practical exercises. Therefore, when the trainees attend to the different departments in the second and third year of training, they already know the basics and don’t have to “waist” time they could have used to get routine with the tasks by watching another person do it. The courses provide the content in a high density what made it effortful but also high effective and I personally loved every day for knowing I would learn a lot of new stuff I was really interested in. I also had my problems in the beginning, sure. We all came from different perspectives and with different prerequisites to this freshman year. It was not always easy or even possible to handle all needs equivalent. For me that meant I had to learn how to adjust myself to others or find workarounds in this situation.
Parallel to the training at the company, in the most cases, apprentices in Germany also join a school class at a special school format that covers topics that come with starting in the world of employment like how the right of termination works, how do taxes effect my income etc… The school also provides basics in the main topics like IT systems and programming. But after only a few weeks, the training at my company went so far that I realized we are far ahead of what they teach us at school.
Personally, in this phase I evolved great friendships with the other apprentices from all three years and learned to know a lot of nice and always willing to help colleagues. The feeling of being part of a company, having people to ask for help and also responsibilities to fulfil made me feel like I’m doing something worth it. Also, seeing the progress of learning by being able to understand what my colleagues talk about and doing more and more tasks on my own every day gave me a good feeling even on hard or complicated days.
As the first year came to an end, according to the company training, I was so much ahead of the school’s topics, that the company offered me to skip the second year and attend the third one right away. On the one hand, this was a great opportunity as I lost time at university that I could regain here. On the other hand, I remembered my failure at university and was scared to get myself in trouble. Luckily, the older apprentice I got assigned as a mentor at the beginning of training made the same hop from the first to the third year and was able to give me some confidence. Also, hopping to the third year would mean to attend the school class of the apprentices I already spend my most time with, what was a nice side effect :D . I took the step.
Suddenly, I had to take the midterm exam and finals were no 12 months to go. I had to rethink the departments I wanted to visit and then I got involved in what lead me to my top interest today: an internal security project with one of the manufacturers the company partners with. As I always tended to the crime investigation scene, data analysis, threat hunting and digital forensics soon became my favourite topics. And then this “little” thing with the pandemic came up and send us all to the home office and school. And somehow looking back, I feel like this was the best that could have happened to me at this time. After I moved to a flat that offers enough space to work from home, self-organizing my stuff, most of the time doing the schoolwork on my own and in my own structure and pace was the best that ever happened. As we all are “computer people” we sure missed hanging out together or physically meeting at the coffee machine, but we connected digitally so nice that unlike all my concerns I never really felt alone. I created a discord server that became our social balance to sitting alone in front of a screen all day. We even have a place to join for coffee there! :D I would never fully want to give up the office, because on some topics, situations and personal requirements it still is unbeatable. But for me it is the hybrid stile to decide what is the best place to work from day by day. It makes me feel like I can manage both more flexible and therefor archive more at work and in my private life.
Working through my stuff, finals got closer. To pass the apprenticeship, three different parts of exams must be passed. First is a project that needs to be documented. Secondly, three written exams must be done. And finally, a presentation about the project following by an expert talk must be held. It was an extreme emotional roller-coaster. As I’m not completely free from exam nerves and if I really want something tend to unhealthy perfection, it was a stressful time. But then I passed the project and the three written exams (which btw. are held in one day with a 10-minute break between the 90- or 60-minutes exams. Yes, I was done with the world by the end of this.) and I was sitting in the foyer of my company, waiting for the examiner to pic me up for my final test. When I pass this test, my apprenticeship would be done. I would start the next day as a junior system engineer at the same company and what started one year and ten months before with only “a good feeling” would be no more than a memory. Looking out through the door I first stepped in not two years ago it felt like “that’s it? That’s all? That’s the end already?”. Even I was working on it for several month, finishing that day felt like super suddenly.
60 minutes later, it was done. I officially passed the final exams as an IT specialist for system integration. And I realized that I was so surprised about this sudden ending, because I absolutely made the right decision when I left the university to attend something that just “felt right”. Something that gave me practical experience, great colleagues and friends, the feeling of actually accomplishing something. I know, it’s just the base. The really basic starting point. Especially if I follow along my passion in infosec, I probably won’t avoid studying again. But for sure I won’t do this at a normal university and absolutely not in fulltime. The job environment gives me so much that dusty large lecture halls can’t. I love learning, but only if it enables me to use what I learn for something useful.
For now, I’m unbelievable happy that I can stay at my company and gain experience and training as a junior system engineer.
And this is, why I always would suggest everyone finishing school to rethink all opportunities. Sometimes, attending university might be what you love to do. Sometimes it might not lead you to what you really love to do. And sometimes attending university is the right decision to understand what you really want to do, outside of university. ;)
